Phillip Edwards
Jul 11th 1983 - Jan 23rd 2008
Print All
Cherie
July 30th 2010
8/30/10 Wishing for a hug.
Your Mom
March 22nd 2009
bevmineredwards@aol.com
Phil, this has been an emotional weekend since I got the call from Life EMS about the day you left us. After more than a year of trying to come to terms with not knowing what happened, I am pretty much needing to revise all the pictures we were given about the accident. I wish now more than ever that I could just hold you again, and I am in a way glad to know what I know. I just need to sit with this, ultimately nothing would have changed the outcome, I guess. But I am grateful, and again sad, having all those moments before the hospital brought to the forefront with new pictures to see. Phil, wherever you are, My heart will always long for you and the future you might have had, all the laughter and hugs we shared and I miss so dearly. I will never stop loving you, remembering every year and nuance of your life as my son. Until my dying day, when I pray you will be there to greet me, I will treasure every moment we were given in this life.
Forever,
Your mom
Jane
January 23rd 2009
Dear Phillip,
It has been one year now that God called you home. At 12:50pm he reached down and gathered you up in his loving embrace. When nana died I asked my Pastor was she instantly in Heaven the moment she let out her last breath. He reassured me that indeed she was. That was the only consolation for all of us who loved you...knowing that at the instant of your last breath you were with Him. No more cold or pain.
We are spending tonight with your family and friends to share our memories and thoughts of you. While we still
shed tears at the thought of what happened, this year offered us healing. The tears are now turning into smiles when we think of you. We are more at peace, and we are all one year closer to the time when we will be reunited with you, my mom and all those we have loved, who have
made that last remarkable journey.
Phillip you brought great joy to our family, especially to Rachel. For that I am so thankful. We have all learned that life is so very fragile and to appreciate all that we have. We have learned, from you, the importance of giving with a grateful heart. We have learned, from you, to love unconditionally. We have learned, from you, patience. Our needs will be met. Our questions will be answered.
You remain in our hearts and always loved.
Jane
Cherie
January 17th 2009
Phil , I have been setting here for an hour trying to put my feelings down when I realized you already know what I am feeling and how very much you are missed.....so instead I am sending you the biggest hug and kiss. I love you so much son.
Cherie
Ashley
January 2nd 2009
Phil,
I was looking at my christmas tree today (1/2/09) and thinking I really need to take it down...it's way past christmas and isn't necessary to have it up any longer.
Then I remembered when we first met and how you were embarassed because you had left your tree up almost until St. Patricks Day. You asked me to not make fun of you and I didn't but I still smiled at the thought of decorating a tree with little shamrocks instead of Christmas bulbs.
I also remembered taking it down for you just before we had our St. Patricks Day party...because if I didn't tease you your friends certainly would have!
Thanks for the smile Phil. I love and miss you.
Merry Christmas from your mom
December 26th 2008
Phil,
This is our first Christmas in separate worlds. I close my eyes and remember what it felt like to hug you in the kitchen, your big, warm teddy bear hugs in your fuzzy shirt. I remember all the ways you made us laugh, and I still hear the sound of your laughter. Your sis put your ornaments on the tree for you this year, and we reminisced about each year and the stories associated with them.
Phil, I miss you so much. You know, we set your place at the table, nobody else sits in your chair, and we poured you a glass of wine, and lit your favorite candle. I have felt your presence in so many ways. Here we are not able to hold you, and you are spending Christmas with Jesus himself - how cool is that for you? I have so many questions, and wish I could have just one gift - that is to see your face and that one-of-a-kind smile. I know I will, I just have to be patient. Maybe you can come visit me in my sleep again where I do see you, I love that.
Well, your sis and I have one week before we leave for Waco - and I know you will be right with us. For you, until we actually see you again, it is probably just a blink. For us it may seem like forever. But we will never forget all the special ways you have added joy, humor, deep love and devotion to our family.
I am amazed we got through this Christmas as well as we did - lots of tears but also laughter. Thank you for both son. Because of you, this family is richer, our life experiences deeper, memories dearer, and time more precious.
We have nurtured our connections with all those people who have mattered in your life, and thoroughly enjoy being with them. We have also released and learned the meaning of forgiveness with those who hurt you here. As I look at all the snow and ice, I think of you, and am glad you are now warm and safe tonight with our God. Love to you, sweetheart, until we meet again, and Merry Christmas!!
Your Mom, Phil
October 5th 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
AS SIMPLE AS COFFEE
Today is a special day. The special room in the basement is primed, all the sanding is done, and we took down all the plaster dusted plastic curtains. The basement has been stacked, packed, nearly inaccessible for nine months. It is a special day because I am packing for my 2nd annual camping trip and I found the camping supplies. And I looked down…
There, on the floor next to a box, was a green Stanley Thermos. I have been looking for a thermos to take camping. I picked it up and noticed a dent on the side of the lid. Then I remembered. My mind went back to the day I pulled all the items from Phil’s truck. In my shock I must have just brought it down with his jacket and other wet, icy, dented things. I turned the thermos around, my fingers tracing the lid, now with weathered roughness on it, and I carefully unscrewed it. After a loud sound of suction, the lid released, and the aroma of strong, mellow coffee caught my nose.
Phillip loved his coffee. He had just gotten a new pot for Christmas, and loved making it to take with him in the truck. This, in my hands, was the last bit of coffee he made less than an hour before he died. This was the coffee he almost forgot, and had to run back in his house to get. Here it was, encapsulated in time, reminding me of my living, hurried, hard-working son, starting out a day like all others. His pleasures were as simple as hot coffee on the way to do the work he loved.
I stood there, my eyes as wet as the plunger in the thermos lid, wondering what I should do with it. Part of me wants to keep it forever, so when I am 82 years old I can open it and smell that coffee – one more connection to the reality of his presence among us. Part of me wanted to dump it out and wash it away, along with the memory of how it got its dented lid. And so, for now, it is sitting on the table in the special room, the room he started to build and the table he used to eat dinner and dye Easter eggs at.
Something as simple as coffee, is enough to ask me that question, “How do I let go?” My mind knows that no material object, even if it holds his energy, contains him. Nothing on this Earth that he ever touched will bring him back. And yet, there is a comfort in each thing I rediscover from the past. My heart fills with immeasurable love, and pictures dance across my mind’s eye. Today, I am not letting go. It is a special day.
Your Devoted Mom
September 14th 2008
My dear Son,
Here it is September, and I am up north in the cabin. Not a day goes by that you are not on my mind and in my heart. I still miss you so. My life is forever altered because of you… because of the joy, pride, laughter and tenderness you brought to me in your life here. I watch the video you and Kendra made in 2006, just so I can see you, hear your unique laugh, and the way you interacted with us… magical, beautiful, devoted and caring. My heart strings are connected to the beyond, where you are, and to the here and now, where Kendra is. We are forever connected and you are in our life force.
I know you are able to see and know all now. So you know, that in your passing on, many lives have been forever altered this year. Relationships have changed. Some people have grown immensely and some have become stuck. Honey, I know you love them all, and in your wisdom from the other side, perhaps you can help. There are many things that have happened over this summer – some that have been incredibly sad and challenging, especially for your sis. It is enough that she is without her only, best brother, who she has treasured since the day he came home. Please help her to feel you, because you are the only other one who shared growing up with her.
I am so grateful for your presence when I feel you around me. I am thankful for the gift of learning, for new understandings, for the opportunities to reflect back and apply it forward. I wish I could talk to you in person about it all. I wish you were here, sitting at the table with me, hearing the lake lap up on the beach and the rain in the birch trees. But you are there and I am here, so I am sending this out to you with love.
Forever,
Your mom
Jane
July 11th 2008
Dear Philip,
I just wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday!!! Not a day has gone by that I do not think of you and all that you had begun to accomplish here on earth. It is still difficult to come to grips with why you were taken from your loved ones so soon. However, as hard as this is, we have begun to accept that God had plans for you in Heaven. We won't know what those plans are until we see you again. We are slowly healing. When nana died, as hard as that was, it was more acceptable. It was so hard to accept it when God chose you. And be cetain of this...He did choose you. He chose you to begin a wonderful, giving and loving life on earth, so you could show all of us. He chose you to show us what we can do to honor you and Him after you went to live with our all knowing Heavenly Father. And honor you we will continue to do. There are many things I am thankful for that you brought to Rachel and our family. But I am MOST thankful that you chose to follow Him. That is a gift you have given your family and loved ones on earth...the fact that we will all see you again!
Happy Birthday Philip...we all love you.
Jane
Please say "hi" to nana and our other most-loved one...tell them I miss them and will be there one day to love and hold them.
Thank you Philip for showing us daily the way to honor you and our Lord.
Ashley
July 5th 2008
Phil,
Today marks the one year mark from the day you proposed to me. I still remember what you were wearing that day and I remember exactly how you proposed to me. It really couldn't have been done any better...you were always my prince charming.
Each day gets a little easier for me without you. I finally had that dream I had been waiting for! The one where I actually got to talk to you, touch you, get some questions answered! You really set my heart and mind at ease with the answers that you gave me and I am eternally greatful to you for that.
I have big plans for my future and things are falling into place rather easily and I have a feeling that you are behind them the whole way. I miss you, I love you...
Love,
Ash
Ashley
June 13th 2008
Phil,
Last night I had a dream. For some odd reason it was the one year mark of your passing, and all of my friends had gathered for a picnic to remember your life. Wherever we were it was some place warm because we couldn't have had a picnic in Michigan in the middle of January!
A man came up to me through the crowd. I can't remember if he ever told me his name, and I can't recall any part of his facial features. The only thing I remember is that he was wearing all white. He came up to me and told me he had a gift for me...from you. He then handed me an envelope with my name written on it. I opened the envelope and inside was a letter. Written in the letter was the simple words of advice:
Ash,
Always remember to keep a smile on your face, and my love in your heart.
This was at the point where I woke up. In the dream I had been smiling, but upon waking I was in tears. You must know it's too soon for me to see you in a dream, but you still find your ways to get your little words of wisdom passed through to me. Was this man an angel? If so was he one of your angels or one of mine? I suppose this isn't for me to know at this point in my life. I just need to focus on the advice at hand. And that advice is to keep smiling and keep loving. I do miss you so Phil. I'll be seein' ya soon!
Ash
Ashley
April 7th 2008
Phil,
The weather is finally starting to get warmer, I can't wait for the buds to grow on the trees and for spring to be here! Remember playing frisbee in the park? I found that frisbee a few days ago and remembered how I could never get the hang of throwing the frisbee to you. I always threw so far off to the right or left that you would have to run to try and catch it. I remember how you would laugh and try and teach me how to throw better...teasing me that I throw like a girl. Once you got tired of running after the frisbee, we would go for walks around the park, stopping to stand on the bridge and look down at the water. We would stand there forever it seemed...just talking. Talking about our dreams, passions, whatever came up.
You never did have much patience for things in life, but you never seemed to run out of patience with me. I never understood it, but I didn't need to. I just knew that no matter how many times I shrunk your clothes in the laundry or forgot to pick something up at the store for you, you would still have a hug and an "I love you," for me.
I know you still hug me and love me Phil, and I will always hug and love you right back!
XOXO,
Ash
Your Mom - Happy Easter Phil!
March 23rd 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
Easter Sunrise and Resurrection
I find myself these days needing to have several open journal items, because I am not finished with one when another floodgate opens and I have to write about it…
This morning I awoke at 4:45 and was unable to think about going back to sleep. My mind swirled with thoughts of you, Phil, and how the last Easter we had to be together we weren’t. And how we had dyed eggs every other year, but why not your last one? The time when I wake up is the hardest time, when daylight and reality of this world set in, and my dream state where you are, ends. Then it seems like my mind is a steam train of all the human thoughts, like “What if”, “Why”, “Why not?”, and “What could I have done?” – a train that won’t stop until I get up and face the day. And so I do.
But this morning, this morning was different. It is Easter, the time of resurrection. The time when Jesus asked Mary why she wept, and why she was looking for the living among the dead. I know as sure as the sun rises that you are alive and know that our weeping is for missing you, not that you are dead. You have only emerged from your shell to a greater being of light than we can experience on this side. Our weeping is that you missed the opportunity to get married, have children, and see your charitable business grow. But our Jesus, he too was taken young, when his ministry was sorely needed on the Earth. When the state of mankind misunderstood most of his teachings and it seemed at the time that his death was so cruel, unnecessary, soon. And the Earth suffered a great emptiness without him, much the way my body has felt since you departed this plane. If only we could comprehend the bigger picture.
This morning, my emptiness was filled with promise and love. As I stood outside in the dark with 21 others, singing until the sun came up, holding a daffodil in my hand, I felt you. I watched as the birds began to chirp, a sound that has escaped me for nearly two months. It was so cold out that I could see nothing through my glasses, but I kept on singing and praying. Soon, the sky became a canvas of pink and gold, and I could see you through the veil. I now know that you don’t want us to weep for you either – because you are living and incredibly happy. I know you want us to remember the good, the laughter, the things that will keep us warm on cold days and sleepless nights. Thank you, my son, for reminding me of the promise of resurrection. It is my humanness that still sees through the eyes of the caterpillar, and not the butterfly.
You know Phil, you always said you wished you were just normal, that you didn’t feel you belonged here. I always told you that you were amazing, talented, and wiser than you ever gave yourself credit for. All that, and handsome too – you didn’t see that in yourself! Humble people rarely do. Plus, you just thought moms were supposed to say that. Oh honey, you are sooo special. Thank God you were not “normal”, whatever that is. Extraordinary souls go through tremendous trials here, teaching others whether they know it or not. You are ever a part of me, your pain has been my pain, and your joys have filled me with gratefulness for the chance to be your mother.
Happy Easter Phil, please give Jesus a hug for me.
Love,
Mom
Happy St. Patrick's Day from Mom
March 17th 2008
St. Patrick’s Day Memories
I am feeling LUCKY today... wearing Phil's LUCKY shirt, he loved that thing. It has 2 little holes in the front, and 2 paint splotches on it. I am wearing it in honor of him, and St. Patrick’s Day, which he always loved celebrating! Today I am thankful and lucky to have it to wear. It still carries his scent which makes me very much feel his presence. We do have some Irish in us. My dad’s biological father arrived by ship in 1908. He spoke Gaelic according to the Hartford Connecticut census, but my genealogy work is still in progress to know much more.
I am thinking about Kendra and Phil, and our St. Patrick’s Days passed with big smiles. Right about now, we would be going out for a Shamrock Shake. Not that we really loved them, it was just a tradition from the time they were little. And after we were all living in separate places, we would still go get one then call each other. The past few years have been different though, with us being more "nutrition conscious", we moved on to just remembering them. We graduated to Gallagher’s Eatery, where Phil enjoyed Dublin Potato soup or Guinness Stew in a bread bowl. I never drank the green beer, but did green diet Sprite.
We sometimes talked about when I lived overseas, and I would tell Kendra and Phil about my time in Ireland. Back then it was safe to backpack and hitchhike, the logging trucks gave a lift to me and my 2 best friends Gina and Tina (twins). Never now!!! That, and the excellent train system there. I carried an orange backpack (which I still have), extra jeans and walking shoes, and a penny whistle that I learned to play over there. People would open their homes, and we could stay there the night in exchange for doing some task at their bed and breakfast. It was a great learning experience. I waited all these years til my health condition could be reversed and I was in my healthier body, with the expectation of taking Kendra and Phil hiking over there this or next year. So Kendra and I will still take him with us when the time comes that we do go. Philly, we miss you so much it aches. But thank you for being the best son ever, for all the years of deep love and memories that will never fade.
Yes, today I am lucky. Lucky to have been given an incredible daughter and son, for whatever length of time God allows me to have them. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Ashley
March 16th 2008
Well tomorrow is St. Patricks Day again. Phil, I'm sorry I can't have a party like we had last year! I have to work the day after this year...so I have to take it easy.
Remember the party last year? We cooked spaghetti together for all of our friends and then we did a whole lot of drinking! It was so much fun. I remember how you loosened up and played your guitar for everyone while wearing the famous suit coat over your green, "Paddy O'Brian's Irish Pub" shirt. You always got more philosophical when you had been drinking. It was really quite interesting to have long discussions that were thought provoking at the time, but not important enough to remember in the morning! I remember that night was the first night that Austin really opened up and showed me who he really was. We've been friends ever since thanks to you!
Remember the morning after when we went out to brunch? We were so hung over and all you wanted was bacon. I remember you were wearing your red independant sweatshirt, black red and white hat, and your cross necklace that I now wear everyday to keep you close to my heart. I remember riding in the back of Judy's tahoe on the way to Old Country Buffet just putting my head on your shoulder and you held my hand in your lap telling me we'd get bacon soon...you promised. When really you were the one who was impatient for bacon..not me!
I may not do alot of drinking this year, but I'll probably get a bottle of your favorite Bushmill's Whiskey (even though I hate the stuff) and drink a shot in your honor my love! Never stop talking to mom...or to me! She enjoys your night time chats and I enjoy hearing the wisdom you've given to her to give to me! I love you Phil, never forget that.
Love always,
Ashley
Ashley
March 7th 2008
Phil,
Today will be the first time since you passed that I will go to the grocery store and buy foods that I will actually have to cook. I was looking in the fridge and saw the sad sight of nothing in there but things to drink. The cabinets are full and the freezer is full, but I need to start eating healthy again. I can't live off of frozen pizza forever!
I haven't been able to buy fresh foods in the last 6 weeks because I go to pick something up and think, oh..asparagus, Phil loved asparagus. And then I would put it back down because I couldn't bear the thought of coming home and cooking by myself.
We cooked together all the time remember? I remember when you were working at the Palisades job, or Phizer and you got home too late to cook with me, but I always had food ready for you when you got home. I remember when you were finally laid off from these jobs and we would cook those first meals together again. and you would say to me, "Wow, I forgot how much fun it was to cook with you." I haven't fogotten Phil. I can't forget and thats why I haven't been cooking either!
The other day I opened the freezer to see what food I had in there, and I came across a salmon filet that you had bought to cook for yourself. I cried because you never got to eat it. I cried because I won't eat it!
So Phil, as I go to the grocery store today, I ask that you fill me with strength as you have the last month when I needed to come across these new milestones without you. Like looking for an apartment, and searching for a new church to attend. Please be with me and never stop talking to me sweetheart.
I love you! Ashley
Your Mom
March 4th 2008
My Dear Son Phil,
It is hard to believe that tomorrow will mark six weeks since you left us. I wonder what you feel as you watch all the grief reactions we are having on this Earth plane without you. For me, today is the first time I have felt any relief at all, and have been able to get through the day with only a couple bouts of tears. Ashley and I have connected, she and Austin are able to help each other through their hard times. Judy and I are drawn together in our grief. Kendra and I are both in grief counseling, dad and Nina are in a group to help them. The Browns, Bortons and I are in touch. But you know all that - we all just miss you so much.
I know I am still in shock, even now, because I can't feel my own self doing things sometimes. I try to keep lists, do what I write down, but don't feel much of it. To fully wrap my head and heart around this all at once would be more than I could bear and still be here without you. So I do it in waves. Every morning when I wake up, I lie there and try to feel some peace, try to feel your presence. I still remember leaning over you at the hospital and at the funeral home, rubbing your hair and touching your cheek and beard. I relive, every morning, what it felt like holding your hand while you were holding on to your life by one last thread. You were so cold and white and they couldn't stop the bleeding. You were on paralyzing drugs, and yet before you went, your fingers bent around mine for a second or two. I will never forget that moment, and how much effort it must have taken to make that one final connection with me. I knew you weren't going to stay here, it was just too much for you to try and stay in that broken body. When your life signs stopped, and everyone was wailing, all I could feel was you over your body, and me trying to meet you there. I don't ever want to forget those moments, when my spirit felt yours and we transcended our humanness - that indescribable, suspended, timeless time. I was touching your body yet felt you out of your body. It was much the same as that brief moment after you were born, when my womb felt your absence and yet you were being delivered into my arms. An emptiness and holiness all at the same time.
I wonder when I will be able to remember the Phil that WAS without such deep despair, while embracing the Phil that IS - living but not tangible to our Earth bodies. Every night when I go to bed, I pray that God will let you come to me, and take me for a visit where you are.
In the meantime, I am finding joy in watching the basement progress you began. "Dr. Dave" has lots of fun stories about you at work, your boss really thinks a lot of you. He was doing impressions of you and it made me laugh. Because of your kindness and goodness to others, others are bringing kindness to me. So this is my focus today - in Earth time, my life has been about being a mom, helping my children move through life. In Spirit time, my child has come full circle to help me move through life. Thank you Phil. Your Sis and I love you forever.
- Your Mom
Ashley's mom
March 3rd 2008
Phil this has been a hard week for me. It seems like yesterday that I heard you laugh and a life time since I was able to give you a hug. Saturday was family night and your presence was very missed.
Spring is soon to be here and I think about the talk we just had about my new deck you were going to build me. The problem with my ceiling that I needed to ask you about. You always had great advice.
Dave is working on his 40K men. But I can tell it isn't quite the same. He started them because he wanted to spend time with you and continue the great relationship you were building. Now he keeps starting to work on them and then putting them aside. His heart just doesn't seem to be quite into them anymore.
Ashley misses you so much. I watch her struggle everyday just to get up in the morning and make it through the hours... wishing I could take the pain away.
Phil you and I have talked so much in the past month. Although I wouldn't mind if we did this during the day instead of 2 am in the morning. : ) I am listening to your wisdom.
I pray that you can wave your magic and offer each and every person here on earth that misses you so very much a little peace in their hearts, comfort in their souls, understanding for each other, and most of all love.
Missing you every second of every day son.
Love
Cherie
Jane
February 23rd 2008
Dear Phillip,
By now you know that Nana is in Heaven. When she was leaving us she was smiling and waving at her family and friends who have gone before. I know they were waiting for her entry. I know in my heart you were there also, welcoming her. In the Bible it tells us there are many mansions...and I know that you have been helping our Lord to make Nana's mansion. You meant alot to her.
A few days ago Rachel and I were going through all the greeting cards and notes she had saved from all the special people in her life, and there was a birthday card from you. I think it says alot about the way she felt about you that she wanted to keep it.
Please help to watch over her . As much as we miss her here on earth, we are secure in the knowledge she is in Heaven with our Lord, the same place our dear Phillip is.
You are missed by so many Phillip and you remain in our hearts.
Love,
Jane
Ashley
February 18th 2008
CutestAshwee7802@yahoo.com
Phil,
Today is Feb. 18. Three days before we met for the first time. Remember that night? It would have been one year for us. I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was a wednesday night, and you were supposed to pick me up at 7:00 to go to Applebee's in plainwell and then on to the M-89 Cinema for our movie. You were late because it was dark out and you couldn't find my moms house. I remember when you showed up, and I opened the door..I couldn't believe my eyes. You were the most gorgeous man I had ever seen, and you wanted to take me out on a date. I remember exactly what you were wearing that night, you wore your tan sweater with the camo patches on the sleeves, and khaki pants. They both hang in my closet now! I remember I wore a black zip up sweater with red and white hearts on it, and my blue jeans with the camo patches on the back pockets. It was a match made in heaven from the very beginning!
I remember picking on you for being late saying, "You're late!" Your answer was, "You're gorgeous." and all was forgiven. You were always the ladies man and I knew it! I remember once we got to applebee's you ordered the orange chicken bowl with extra sause...just like you always did, and I ordered the chicken fingers because I didn't want bad breath! You made me laugh so much that night, I couldn't believe that I found someone who had the same goofy sense of humor I did. And you were so cute about it too : c)
Once we finally made it to the movie theator, we decided to see A Night At the Museum. I think it was a good movie, but I don't remember much about it. I know that I grabbed your hand sometime early in the movie, and that was a green light for you that things were going well. Sometime later in the show, I turned to you laughing at a funny part, and you turned to me too. That was when you kissed me for the first time. It was everything I thought a true loves kiss should be. It was the fireworks, the butterflies in my stomach, the whole shabang.
Later when you took me home you insisted on walking me to the door...always the perfect gentleman, and promised to call me the next day. Which you did. You always kept your promises and I loved it. There weren't any games with you, you always meant what you said and did what you set out to do.
So, sweetheart, I'm writing this to wish you a happy anniversary. It wont be the last. And when I get to heaven to join you...we'll be just like we were when we met. Hopelessly in love, and too stubborn to care that people thought we were crazy. I love you baby.
Love,
Scamp
Happy Valentine's Day from Mom
February 14th 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
My Dear Sweet Son,
I remember your very first Valentine's Day. You and Kendra had matching outfits, which I made with little heart buttons. You had a red hat that practically covered your whole head, but you wanted it on, even in your high chair. And you got a big, red, sticky sucker that you would not let go of. That and a white, furry stuffed animal that also got sticky and red! Kendra had just gotten new glasses (her first pair) and you were intrigued with this apparatus on your sissy's face. So while I am trying to take Valentine's pictures (yes, I ALWAYS took a lot of pictures), you are trying to stick your hands to her glasses. And she is patiently "saying no-no P.C.", backing away and grinning at the same time, because you were HER baby doll too. I remember the year we gave you your teddy bear, and you still had it - I always knew that inside the very strong man was a very sentimental son. Thank you for being the best son that any mother could ask for. Last year was a pretty tough time for us, a lot of really good and really trying things happened. A transition year in the life of Phil. I have a much deeper, more spiritual understanding of that now, and am so happy we spent New Year's Eve together. I will always remember the honest and loving conversation we had, and the fun of just being, playing yahtzee. I'll save your scorecard forever.
Valentines Day is just the first of so many holidays I'll feel the pulling at my soul to want to be with you. Today, it is too hard to go to the store, because I want to get your "nut crisp & chewy" box of candy, your can of cashews, a card that always had way too many words in it, and some warhammer guys for us to paint. I think I know each piece ever painted, and remember where you were, and could have watched you for hours. In the way I am a painter, those are your works of art, son, and I look forward to the time when I can look at them again and smile.
You know what? I am so glad to have all the pictures of you now. I always thought that someday, when you were old and I was ancient, we would leaf through them and laugh together. I wonder where you are right now, in this very moment - are you here with me and I can't see you? Are you so happy and glowing in your new life, but still remembering us? Are you getting absolutely filled with love and magnificent light, and completely away from sadness or pain? If a mother cannot hold her son, then who better to hold him than our God? My hope is the promise - the promise that this earth is just a stop on the way, and that you will be waiting for me. And THEN, my beautiful and unmatchable son, you will feel the warmth of my arms around you for a very long time, you can show me the wonders of your new life, and we will run like the wind! I love you forever, Happy Valentine's Day!
- Mom
Austin
February 4th 2008
I feel sorry that I wasn’t able to find the strength to stand up and speak at Phil’s funeral. Especially because I know he would have been able to do it for me. I guess I just feared that I would absolutely fall apart, and whatever I said in my emotional haze wouldn’t have done him justice.
As his long time best friend, I could write volumes about Phil, so it’s difficult to sum up all the things I want to say. I’ve spent almost every weekend with him for the past 10 years. We went through so many changes in our stages of life together. The diversity in our personalities created a unique balance that allowed us to constantly learn from each other. While we may have seemed so different on the outside, our core values and morals remained nearly identical, and that was a key to maintaining our everlasting friendship. We were always there for each other, good times or bad. He could cheer anyone up with his amazing sense of humor and positive outlook on life. He was so much fun to be with, constantly the life of the party. There was never a dull moment with Phil; he always had something to say. His quick wit with humor continuously amazed me, as did his imagination. As teenagers and as adults we could always find something fun to do. We had our fare share of arguments throughout the years, but we always parted on friendly terms, with a quick hug and a “take it easy man, I’ll see you next week.”
Friendships as strong as ours are so hard to come by in life. While I realize I won’t ever meet anyone like Phil again, I feel so lucky that I got to know him. He was really one of a kind. There was so much about him that I admired. I’m going to miss him tremendously. From the heated Warhammer battles to the in depth talks about life; Phil was a true friend. I could go on forever about all the things I’m going to miss and how hard it will be without him, but I’m going to try my best to stay positive.
His existence here on this earth was a gift to all who knew him. He has touched and inspired the lives of so many people during the course of his life, and left an impression that will stay with us forever. It has been an honor spending the past decade of my life with Phil. He’s been a brother to me. He told me once that I had no idea the impact I had on his life. I’m so happy to know that I was able to make a difference in shaping the incredible person he became. I hope he realizes how much I appreciate and cherish the friendship he’s given me all these years. I’m not sure what I would be without him. I only know that I will never forget the times we shared together. Those memories of Phil will be with me for as long as I live.
It just tears me apart to realize I’ll never get to see him again, and that all his dreams for the future will never be fulfilled. The sorrow I feel inside will never leave, but his love for life and for others will continue to inspire me. Even though I can no longer see him, I know his life essence will never truly disappear, as he lives on within the hearts of us all. When the hardships of the world bring me down, I’ll think of him and his undying spirit, and I’ll keep pressing on, because I know that’s what he’d do. And as I grow older, throughout the many changes brought by the passing of time, Phil will always and forever remain my very best friend.
I love ya man,
-Austin
Rachel
February 3rd 2008
RJBorton@hotmail.com
Phil,
I remember almost one year ago from today, you and I sat down to dinner at our favorite restaurant. Applebee’s on West Main. We had been apart for just under two years at that time, occasionally hanging out at your apartment in Seville, and keeping in touch as friends. We had good conversation, lots of laughs, and spent time reminiscing about the past. That night, however, there were a lot of things that had been left unsaid between both of us. And even though we never got another chance to sit down and talk, I think we both knew what each other was thinking.
You were and still are a big part of my life, you always will be. For three and a half years, you were my knight in shining armor. I have so many memories to hold onto and smile about. You came into my life at the most perfect moment, and even though we could not make it work forever, I never once regretted my time with you. There are still so many things I wish I could’ve had the chance to tell you, and so many things I wish we could’ve shared. However life takes detours, and our detours just weren’t meant to meet up again.
I am so glad you found happiness last year. You deserved it more than anybody I knew. And I also knew you wanted more than anything to be a part of a loving, fulfilling relationship. And I am sure you found just that! I am still so torn up about the fact I moved back home the day of your visitation. If I had come home sooner, who knows, we may have crossed paths again and could’ve shared some more laughs.
I miss you, Phil. But you are in my heart, you always have been. And I love you so much. Someday we will meet again..
Love,
Rachel
Ashley
January 31st 2008
My dear sweet Phil, it's been one week and one day since we walked out the door together. I sit here surrounded by your things crying and wishing I could hug you, kiss you, or just see your smile again.
I think about the night before you went to a better place, thinking how you rubbed my back because I was sick. You never once asked for a back rub yourself. And then you slept on the couch because I was snoring too loud. And I think with a smile, that I would have done the same for you.
They say that this aching in my body will go away eventually, but that I will never get over you. It's true. Eventually the ache will dissapate, and I will move on. But I will never find anyone as sweet, and caring and who loved me as unconditionally as how you did.
So, one week and one day later, I still mourn the loss of not only what we had together, but what we never got to have together. I'll be seeing you soon sweetheart. I love you always,
Your Ashley
Deb Szareko
January 31st 2008
I wanted to send my condolences to the Edwards family. My brother and I grew up with Kendra and Phillip years ago. I wish that I would have got to see Phillip again as he grew older, but lost touch with Bev and Kendra as years passed. It seems like just yesterday we were all playing together and having a great time. We wonder why the lord takes the people we love only he knows why, But we are left with the loving memories with that wonderful person that was put on this earth. I know Phillip You will do wonderful things with the lord.
MOM
January 31st 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
One week has already gone by. Still I ache for you. My mind thinks about so many "what if's" and "why's", there is still no sense to why you had to be taken out now. The hardest thing for me is not knowing what your minutes were like between the accident and your surgery... how much it hurt, what went through your mind. I wish I could have kept yo warm, and held you right there. I cannot change anything and it feels so helpless. And so I go on aching for you. I know from past experience that the hole in the heart will heal, and I will survive. But nothing, ever, will erase or replace that deep-soul connection. Speak to me, and my spirit will hear you. I wish I could see you too.
I felt you with us today... Kendra, Judy and me. I thought it fitting that we have breakfast at Colonial Kitchen this morning, I am only sorry you couldn't drink the cup of coffee we put by your picture, and that none of us liked hash enough to eat it in your honor!
You are with me, son, always and forever!
Jane
January 30th 2008
One week ago today you reached out your hand to our Heavenly Father who grasped it and pulled you into his waiting arms. We are all still so broken-hearted. Your Borton family loves you and are secure in the knowledge that you are with Jesus and the loved one that went before. We are so honored and truly blessed that you were a part of our lives for over three years. The memories that you and Rachel made together will never be forgotten, and always written on our hearts.
Chelsea
January 28th 2008
I don't quite know how to say what's on my mind for you. I know I don't have to. You'll know even if I don't speak or write my words. I've always thought of you as an older brother. Even my mom says that she could tell you thought of me as a little sister, the way you used to pick on me as if I was one. I wish I could have gotten to know you as an adult. I am very blessed to have known you at all. The program your mom made for you for yesterday was beautiful. There was a picture in it, that reminded me of when our families were so close. It was of you holding a bowl, I only got to see it for a few seconds, but I remember those moments as if they happend yesterday. I love you Phil. We all do, and we miss you so much. I don't know if I'll ever be done with my words for you, because I don't quite know what I want to say. You were one of the most amazing people.
Jami (Buchkowski) Stender
January 28th 2008
joyfuljami@gmail.com
I just got the news about Phil...wow...what a wonderful person to be taken so quickly. Such a huge tragedy. This is a great loss...of the happiest, most generous, caring, intellegent, determined, compassionate, hard-working, patriotic, young man. All who knew him were very blessed to have shared a part of his life. Phil touched so many people during his extremely short time here. He loved life. I've read some of the other memories and I honestly have to agree that this world is going to be different without Phil. He had passion and a love for people that proved through his endless ideas to bless others, and through the way he lived his life, always looking out for people to help...even with his gigantic smile! I am extremely sorry for this loss Bev and Gary, Kendra, and Ashley, I'm really, very sorry... to everyone who has been touched by Phil, but his family especially. He really cared about his family. He was a real man that wasn't afraid to live what he believed in order to really help others. It didn't matter what others thought. He was moved by his convictions. He did what he knew was the right thing to do. Thank you for letting me know you and your family and friends Phil. So many people miss you, and I will always be moved by the person you are. Your life has inspired so many others to live a life that reflects your great big heart...my sincere sympathy, Jami.
Heather Denniss
January 27th 2008
hcdenniss@msn.com
Phil's mom and I became good friends in Toledo in the 1990s, when she was still living on Lyman. My middle daughter and Phil were the same age, and naturally, our concerns about our children drew us together too. The last photo I saw of Phil, just after Christmas, showed the same little boy, now quite grown, with his great smile, the same sparkle in the eyes. Bev, my heart aches for you, for Gary, for Kendra, for all who lost this lovely child, for despite the fact he was a man, I will always remember the child. God Bless you all.
David Boersma
January 26th 2008
dboersma@patriotbuildingsolutions.com
I can honestly say that Phil was among the most generous people I have ever known. He gladly volunteered his time and expertise whenever I needed it. From helping us move to working with me one evening installing a new door in my house, and keeping at it with a smile even though it took us until after 1:00 in the morning on a cold, snowy night to complete. When my construction business was struggling, Phil would work with me late into the night "off the clock" to finish projects and refused pay. He said he was working to help a brother out, not just to make a paycheck. Thank you Phil. My life has been forever impacted by your generous and joy filled heart. I'll miss you.
Ryan Ewing(Ashley's Brother)
January 26th 2008
thecoolone222004@yahoo.com
Phillip,
Thank you so much for doing all that you have for my sister
eventhough i didnt know you for very long i felt you were the right man for my sister.
I know you are watching here from heaven right now
and i know you will always take care of her for a long long time....
thank you for being the best brother in law i could ever have
Lorah Winegar
January 26th 2008
lewinegar@yahoo.com
Phil was an amazing human being and he of all people did not deserve to leave this earth so soon.
Phil was only two years older than me. He had his whole life ahead of him. He was going to be married. He knew his life's passion and he made the best of every single day. Phil was a good friend. He was always there when anyone needed him. He called just to say hi and see how I was doing. He had a laugh that never failed to get me laughing too, no matter what was going on in life.
He had a giant heart and did his best to better the world. Without him there is going to be less laughter, not as many smiles and the world seems a little darker without your ever present smile. Phil, you're amazing and my world is going to be forever changed having known you. You will be missed.
Jason LeZotte
January 26th 2008
jlezotte@umich.edu
Phil was one of my very good friends throughout high school. Even though he and I had started to drift apart since I went off to college, we still tried to get together when we could to game and hang out.
Phil, you will be sorely, sorely missed. You were the life of the party, always positive, full of the “can do spirit”, and most of all a good friend. You were a brother to me. I wish your family and friends all the best in lieu of this tragedy.
Matt Creeger
January 26th 2008
I just found out about Phil .I haven't spoken to him or his family since they lived on lyman, but i alway's wondered how he was doing. I remember how I used to go over to his house to play with him every day in his sandbox. We had a lot of fun. He was my best friend until he moved away and I wish we kept in touch because he sounds like a great person. I will alway's remember him as my best friend and neighbor. My condolences go out to his family.
Dave & Cherie Genson
January 25th 2008
ckg885@charter.net
Phillip you made Ashley so very happy from the moment you two met. It was no surprise when you two became engaged. We knew from the beginning you two were soul mates. Listening to the two of you finishing each others sentences, the looks of love you gave each other, the laughs you shared, communicating without any words being said, watching you two with just a small touch of the hand sharing your love for each other, love glowed all around both of you. Phillip we could not have asked for a better man for our daughter. Our hearts are breaking. We may never understand why you were taken from us so soon, and even though we did not give birth to you... you are and always will be our SON.
Doug Gould/Jim Reading
January 25th 2008
doug_gould@sbcglobal.net
Bev, Judy and the whole family,
I am so sorry to hear of Phillp's passing. Our hearts break for all of you. I remember when we were at Phoenix and Phillip was much younger, he was always smiling. Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.
Heather Latham Miller (Erich Miller)
January 25th 2008
heatherlatham@yahoo.com
I was shocked and deeply saddened this morning to learn of Phil’s passing. Bev, Gary, Kendra… having lost one of my dearest and most beloved family members in a similar tragedy, my heart is truly breaking for each of you. There are some things to which there is neither a beginning nor an end- please take comfort in the knowledge that the human soul is one of these. I will remember Phil as a smiling, bright, energetic and humorous young man that was adored by those that knew him. May sympathy and peace guide all of his loved ones during this time of mourning and reflection, and may each of you find new cause each day to celebrate the joy that was his life.
Chelsea Anderson
January 24th 2008
airheadmajor@yahoo.com
Phil was a great guy. I saw him and his fiancee at I Hop this summer. I worked there. Phil said something about how I wasn't so little anymore. Our families were very close when I was younger. We'd always spend dinners at eachothers houses. I saw him with Ashley at I hop, and he looked so incredibly happy. Bev, Judy, Ashley, and Kendra; you all are in my thoughts. Phil, you will always be in my heart. I miss you.
Cherie
July 30th 2010
8/30/10 Wishing for a hug.
Your Mom
March 22nd 2009
bevmineredwards@aol.com
Phil, this has been an emotional weekend since I got the call from Life EMS about the day you left us. After more than a year of trying to come to terms with not knowing what happened, I am pretty much needing to revise all the pictures we were given about the accident. I wish now more than ever that I could just hold you again, and I am in a way glad to know what I know. I just need to sit with this, ultimately nothing would have changed the outcome, I guess. But I am grateful, and again sad, having all those moments before the hospital brought to the forefront with new pictures to see. Phil, wherever you are, My heart will always long for you and the future you might have had, all the laughter and hugs we shared and I miss so dearly. I will never stop loving you, remembering every year and nuance of your life as my son. Until my dying day, when I pray you will be there to greet me, I will treasure every moment we were given in this life.
Forever,
Your mom
Jane
January 23rd 2009
Dear Phillip,
It has been one year now that God called you home. At 12:50pm he reached down and gathered you up in his loving embrace. When nana died I asked my Pastor was she instantly in Heaven the moment she let out her last breath. He reassured me that indeed she was. That was the only consolation for all of us who loved you...knowing that at the instant of your last breath you were with Him. No more cold or pain.
We are spending tonight with your family and friends to share our memories and thoughts of you. While we still
shed tears at the thought of what happened, this year offered us healing. The tears are now turning into smiles when we think of you. We are more at peace, and we are all one year closer to the time when we will be reunited with you, my mom and all those we have loved, who have
made that last remarkable journey.
Phillip you brought great joy to our family, especially to Rachel. For that I am so thankful. We have all learned that life is so very fragile and to appreciate all that we have. We have learned, from you, the importance of giving with a grateful heart. We have learned, from you, to love unconditionally. We have learned, from you, patience. Our needs will be met. Our questions will be answered.
You remain in our hearts and always loved.
Jane
Cherie
January 17th 2009
Phil , I have been setting here for an hour trying to put my feelings down when I realized you already know what I am feeling and how very much you are missed.....so instead I am sending you the biggest hug and kiss. I love you so much son.
Cherie
Ashley
January 2nd 2009
Phil,
I was looking at my christmas tree today (1/2/09) and thinking I really need to take it down...it's way past christmas and isn't necessary to have it up any longer.
Then I remembered when we first met and how you were embarassed because you had left your tree up almost until St. Patricks Day. You asked me to not make fun of you and I didn't but I still smiled at the thought of decorating a tree with little shamrocks instead of Christmas bulbs.
I also remembered taking it down for you just before we had our St. Patricks Day party...because if I didn't tease you your friends certainly would have!
Thanks for the smile Phil. I love and miss you.
Merry Christmas from your mom
December 26th 2008
Phil,
This is our first Christmas in separate worlds. I close my eyes and remember what it felt like to hug you in the kitchen, your big, warm teddy bear hugs in your fuzzy shirt. I remember all the ways you made us laugh, and I still hear the sound of your laughter. Your sis put your ornaments on the tree for you this year, and we reminisced about each year and the stories associated with them.
Phil, I miss you so much. You know, we set your place at the table, nobody else sits in your chair, and we poured you a glass of wine, and lit your favorite candle. I have felt your presence in so many ways. Here we are not able to hold you, and you are spending Christmas with Jesus himself - how cool is that for you? I have so many questions, and wish I could have just one gift - that is to see your face and that one-of-a-kind smile. I know I will, I just have to be patient. Maybe you can come visit me in my sleep again where I do see you, I love that.
Well, your sis and I have one week before we leave for Waco - and I know you will be right with us. For you, until we actually see you again, it is probably just a blink. For us it may seem like forever. But we will never forget all the special ways you have added joy, humor, deep love and devotion to our family.
I am amazed we got through this Christmas as well as we did - lots of tears but also laughter. Thank you for both son. Because of you, this family is richer, our life experiences deeper, memories dearer, and time more precious.
We have nurtured our connections with all those people who have mattered in your life, and thoroughly enjoy being with them. We have also released and learned the meaning of forgiveness with those who hurt you here. As I look at all the snow and ice, I think of you, and am glad you are now warm and safe tonight with our God. Love to you, sweetheart, until we meet again, and Merry Christmas!!
Your Mom, Phil
October 5th 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
AS SIMPLE AS COFFEE
Today is a special day. The special room in the basement is primed, all the sanding is done, and we took down all the plaster dusted plastic curtains. The basement has been stacked, packed, nearly inaccessible for nine months. It is a special day because I am packing for my 2nd annual camping trip and I found the camping supplies. And I looked down…
There, on the floor next to a box, was a green Stanley Thermos. I have been looking for a thermos to take camping. I picked it up and noticed a dent on the side of the lid. Then I remembered. My mind went back to the day I pulled all the items from Phil’s truck. In my shock I must have just brought it down with his jacket and other wet, icy, dented things. I turned the thermos around, my fingers tracing the lid, now with weathered roughness on it, and I carefully unscrewed it. After a loud sound of suction, the lid released, and the aroma of strong, mellow coffee caught my nose.
Phillip loved his coffee. He had just gotten a new pot for Christmas, and loved making it to take with him in the truck. This, in my hands, was the last bit of coffee he made less than an hour before he died. This was the coffee he almost forgot, and had to run back in his house to get. Here it was, encapsulated in time, reminding me of my living, hurried, hard-working son, starting out a day like all others. His pleasures were as simple as hot coffee on the way to do the work he loved.
I stood there, my eyes as wet as the plunger in the thermos lid, wondering what I should do with it. Part of me wants to keep it forever, so when I am 82 years old I can open it and smell that coffee – one more connection to the reality of his presence among us. Part of me wanted to dump it out and wash it away, along with the memory of how it got its dented lid. And so, for now, it is sitting on the table in the special room, the room he started to build and the table he used to eat dinner and dye Easter eggs at.
Something as simple as coffee, is enough to ask me that question, “How do I let go?” My mind knows that no material object, even if it holds his energy, contains him. Nothing on this Earth that he ever touched will bring him back. And yet, there is a comfort in each thing I rediscover from the past. My heart fills with immeasurable love, and pictures dance across my mind’s eye. Today, I am not letting go. It is a special day.
Your Devoted Mom
September 14th 2008
My dear Son,
Here it is September, and I am up north in the cabin. Not a day goes by that you are not on my mind and in my heart. I still miss you so. My life is forever altered because of you… because of the joy, pride, laughter and tenderness you brought to me in your life here. I watch the video you and Kendra made in 2006, just so I can see you, hear your unique laugh, and the way you interacted with us… magical, beautiful, devoted and caring. My heart strings are connected to the beyond, where you are, and to the here and now, where Kendra is. We are forever connected and you are in our life force.
I know you are able to see and know all now. So you know, that in your passing on, many lives have been forever altered this year. Relationships have changed. Some people have grown immensely and some have become stuck. Honey, I know you love them all, and in your wisdom from the other side, perhaps you can help. There are many things that have happened over this summer – some that have been incredibly sad and challenging, especially for your sis. It is enough that she is without her only, best brother, who she has treasured since the day he came home. Please help her to feel you, because you are the only other one who shared growing up with her.
I am so grateful for your presence when I feel you around me. I am thankful for the gift of learning, for new understandings, for the opportunities to reflect back and apply it forward. I wish I could talk to you in person about it all. I wish you were here, sitting at the table with me, hearing the lake lap up on the beach and the rain in the birch trees. But you are there and I am here, so I am sending this out to you with love.
Forever,
Your mom
Jane
July 11th 2008
Dear Philip,
I just wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday!!! Not a day has gone by that I do not think of you and all that you had begun to accomplish here on earth. It is still difficult to come to grips with why you were taken from your loved ones so soon. However, as hard as this is, we have begun to accept that God had plans for you in Heaven. We won't know what those plans are until we see you again. We are slowly healing. When nana died, as hard as that was, it was more acceptable. It was so hard to accept it when God chose you. And be cetain of this...He did choose you. He chose you to begin a wonderful, giving and loving life on earth, so you could show all of us. He chose you to show us what we can do to honor you and Him after you went to live with our all knowing Heavenly Father. And honor you we will continue to do. There are many things I am thankful for that you brought to Rachel and our family. But I am MOST thankful that you chose to follow Him. That is a gift you have given your family and loved ones on earth...the fact that we will all see you again!
Happy Birthday Philip...we all love you.
Jane
Please say "hi" to nana and our other most-loved one...tell them I miss them and will be there one day to love and hold them.
Thank you Philip for showing us daily the way to honor you and our Lord.
Ashley
July 5th 2008
Phil,
Today marks the one year mark from the day you proposed to me. I still remember what you were wearing that day and I remember exactly how you proposed to me. It really couldn't have been done any better...you were always my prince charming.
Each day gets a little easier for me without you. I finally had that dream I had been waiting for! The one where I actually got to talk to you, touch you, get some questions answered! You really set my heart and mind at ease with the answers that you gave me and I am eternally greatful to you for that.
I have big plans for my future and things are falling into place rather easily and I have a feeling that you are behind them the whole way. I miss you, I love you...
Love,
Ash
Ashley
June 13th 2008
Phil,
Last night I had a dream. For some odd reason it was the one year mark of your passing, and all of my friends had gathered for a picnic to remember your life. Wherever we were it was some place warm because we couldn't have had a picnic in Michigan in the middle of January!
A man came up to me through the crowd. I can't remember if he ever told me his name, and I can't recall any part of his facial features. The only thing I remember is that he was wearing all white. He came up to me and told me he had a gift for me...from you. He then handed me an envelope with my name written on it. I opened the envelope and inside was a letter. Written in the letter was the simple words of advice:
Ash,
Always remember to keep a smile on your face, and my love in your heart.
This was at the point where I woke up. In the dream I had been smiling, but upon waking I was in tears. You must know it's too soon for me to see you in a dream, but you still find your ways to get your little words of wisdom passed through to me. Was this man an angel? If so was he one of your angels or one of mine? I suppose this isn't for me to know at this point in my life. I just need to focus on the advice at hand. And that advice is to keep smiling and keep loving. I do miss you so Phil. I'll be seein' ya soon!
Ash
Ashley
April 7th 2008
Phil,
The weather is finally starting to get warmer, I can't wait for the buds to grow on the trees and for spring to be here! Remember playing frisbee in the park? I found that frisbee a few days ago and remembered how I could never get the hang of throwing the frisbee to you. I always threw so far off to the right or left that you would have to run to try and catch it. I remember how you would laugh and try and teach me how to throw better...teasing me that I throw like a girl. Once you got tired of running after the frisbee, we would go for walks around the park, stopping to stand on the bridge and look down at the water. We would stand there forever it seemed...just talking. Talking about our dreams, passions, whatever came up.
You never did have much patience for things in life, but you never seemed to run out of patience with me. I never understood it, but I didn't need to. I just knew that no matter how many times I shrunk your clothes in the laundry or forgot to pick something up at the store for you, you would still have a hug and an "I love you," for me.
I know you still hug me and love me Phil, and I will always hug and love you right back!
XOXO,
Ash
Your Mom - Happy Easter Phil!
March 23rd 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
Easter Sunrise and Resurrection
I find myself these days needing to have several open journal items, because I am not finished with one when another floodgate opens and I have to write about it…
This morning I awoke at 4:45 and was unable to think about going back to sleep. My mind swirled with thoughts of you, Phil, and how the last Easter we had to be together we weren’t. And how we had dyed eggs every other year, but why not your last one? The time when I wake up is the hardest time, when daylight and reality of this world set in, and my dream state where you are, ends. Then it seems like my mind is a steam train of all the human thoughts, like “What if”, “Why”, “Why not?”, and “What could I have done?” – a train that won’t stop until I get up and face the day. And so I do.
But this morning, this morning was different. It is Easter, the time of resurrection. The time when Jesus asked Mary why she wept, and why she was looking for the living among the dead. I know as sure as the sun rises that you are alive and know that our weeping is for missing you, not that you are dead. You have only emerged from your shell to a greater being of light than we can experience on this side. Our weeping is that you missed the opportunity to get married, have children, and see your charitable business grow. But our Jesus, he too was taken young, when his ministry was sorely needed on the Earth. When the state of mankind misunderstood most of his teachings and it seemed at the time that his death was so cruel, unnecessary, soon. And the Earth suffered a great emptiness without him, much the way my body has felt since you departed this plane. If only we could comprehend the bigger picture.
This morning, my emptiness was filled with promise and love. As I stood outside in the dark with 21 others, singing until the sun came up, holding a daffodil in my hand, I felt you. I watched as the birds began to chirp, a sound that has escaped me for nearly two months. It was so cold out that I could see nothing through my glasses, but I kept on singing and praying. Soon, the sky became a canvas of pink and gold, and I could see you through the veil. I now know that you don’t want us to weep for you either – because you are living and incredibly happy. I know you want us to remember the good, the laughter, the things that will keep us warm on cold days and sleepless nights. Thank you, my son, for reminding me of the promise of resurrection. It is my humanness that still sees through the eyes of the caterpillar, and not the butterfly.
You know Phil, you always said you wished you were just normal, that you didn’t feel you belonged here. I always told you that you were amazing, talented, and wiser than you ever gave yourself credit for. All that, and handsome too – you didn’t see that in yourself! Humble people rarely do. Plus, you just thought moms were supposed to say that. Oh honey, you are sooo special. Thank God you were not “normal”, whatever that is. Extraordinary souls go through tremendous trials here, teaching others whether they know it or not. You are ever a part of me, your pain has been my pain, and your joys have filled me with gratefulness for the chance to be your mother.
Happy Easter Phil, please give Jesus a hug for me.
Love,
Mom
Happy St. Patrick's Day from Mom
March 17th 2008
St. Patrick’s Day Memories
I am feeling LUCKY today... wearing Phil's LUCKY shirt, he loved that thing. It has 2 little holes in the front, and 2 paint splotches on it. I am wearing it in honor of him, and St. Patrick’s Day, which he always loved celebrating! Today I am thankful and lucky to have it to wear. It still carries his scent which makes me very much feel his presence. We do have some Irish in us. My dad’s biological father arrived by ship in 1908. He spoke Gaelic according to the Hartford Connecticut census, but my genealogy work is still in progress to know much more.
I am thinking about Kendra and Phil, and our St. Patrick’s Days passed with big smiles. Right about now, we would be going out for a Shamrock Shake. Not that we really loved them, it was just a tradition from the time they were little. And after we were all living in separate places, we would still go get one then call each other. The past few years have been different though, with us being more "nutrition conscious", we moved on to just remembering them. We graduated to Gallagher’s Eatery, where Phil enjoyed Dublin Potato soup or Guinness Stew in a bread bowl. I never drank the green beer, but did green diet Sprite.
We sometimes talked about when I lived overseas, and I would tell Kendra and Phil about my time in Ireland. Back then it was safe to backpack and hitchhike, the logging trucks gave a lift to me and my 2 best friends Gina and Tina (twins). Never now!!! That, and the excellent train system there. I carried an orange backpack (which I still have), extra jeans and walking shoes, and a penny whistle that I learned to play over there. People would open their homes, and we could stay there the night in exchange for doing some task at their bed and breakfast. It was a great learning experience. I waited all these years til my health condition could be reversed and I was in my healthier body, with the expectation of taking Kendra and Phil hiking over there this or next year. So Kendra and I will still take him with us when the time comes that we do go. Philly, we miss you so much it aches. But thank you for being the best son ever, for all the years of deep love and memories that will never fade.
Yes, today I am lucky. Lucky to have been given an incredible daughter and son, for whatever length of time God allows me to have them. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Ashley
March 16th 2008
Well tomorrow is St. Patricks Day again. Phil, I'm sorry I can't have a party like we had last year! I have to work the day after this year...so I have to take it easy.
Remember the party last year? We cooked spaghetti together for all of our friends and then we did a whole lot of drinking! It was so much fun. I remember how you loosened up and played your guitar for everyone while wearing the famous suit coat over your green, "Paddy O'Brian's Irish Pub" shirt. You always got more philosophical when you had been drinking. It was really quite interesting to have long discussions that were thought provoking at the time, but not important enough to remember in the morning! I remember that night was the first night that Austin really opened up and showed me who he really was. We've been friends ever since thanks to you!
Remember the morning after when we went out to brunch? We were so hung over and all you wanted was bacon. I remember you were wearing your red independant sweatshirt, black red and white hat, and your cross necklace that I now wear everyday to keep you close to my heart. I remember riding in the back of Judy's tahoe on the way to Old Country Buffet just putting my head on your shoulder and you held my hand in your lap telling me we'd get bacon soon...you promised. When really you were the one who was impatient for bacon..not me!
I may not do alot of drinking this year, but I'll probably get a bottle of your favorite Bushmill's Whiskey (even though I hate the stuff) and drink a shot in your honor my love! Never stop talking to mom...or to me! She enjoys your night time chats and I enjoy hearing the wisdom you've given to her to give to me! I love you Phil, never forget that.
Love always,
Ashley
Ashley
March 7th 2008
Phil,
Today will be the first time since you passed that I will go to the grocery store and buy foods that I will actually have to cook. I was looking in the fridge and saw the sad sight of nothing in there but things to drink. The cabinets are full and the freezer is full, but I need to start eating healthy again. I can't live off of frozen pizza forever!
I haven't been able to buy fresh foods in the last 6 weeks because I go to pick something up and think, oh..asparagus, Phil loved asparagus. And then I would put it back down because I couldn't bear the thought of coming home and cooking by myself.
We cooked together all the time remember? I remember when you were working at the Palisades job, or Phizer and you got home too late to cook with me, but I always had food ready for you when you got home. I remember when you were finally laid off from these jobs and we would cook those first meals together again. and you would say to me, "Wow, I forgot how much fun it was to cook with you." I haven't fogotten Phil. I can't forget and thats why I haven't been cooking either!
The other day I opened the freezer to see what food I had in there, and I came across a salmon filet that you had bought to cook for yourself. I cried because you never got to eat it. I cried because I won't eat it!
So Phil, as I go to the grocery store today, I ask that you fill me with strength as you have the last month when I needed to come across these new milestones without you. Like looking for an apartment, and searching for a new church to attend. Please be with me and never stop talking to me sweetheart.
I love you! Ashley
Your Mom
March 4th 2008
My Dear Son Phil,
It is hard to believe that tomorrow will mark six weeks since you left us. I wonder what you feel as you watch all the grief reactions we are having on this Earth plane without you. For me, today is the first time I have felt any relief at all, and have been able to get through the day with only a couple bouts of tears. Ashley and I have connected, she and Austin are able to help each other through their hard times. Judy and I are drawn together in our grief. Kendra and I are both in grief counseling, dad and Nina are in a group to help them. The Browns, Bortons and I are in touch. But you know all that - we all just miss you so much.
I know I am still in shock, even now, because I can't feel my own self doing things sometimes. I try to keep lists, do what I write down, but don't feel much of it. To fully wrap my head and heart around this all at once would be more than I could bear and still be here without you. So I do it in waves. Every morning when I wake up, I lie there and try to feel some peace, try to feel your presence. I still remember leaning over you at the hospital and at the funeral home, rubbing your hair and touching your cheek and beard. I relive, every morning, what it felt like holding your hand while you were holding on to your life by one last thread. You were so cold and white and they couldn't stop the bleeding. You were on paralyzing drugs, and yet before you went, your fingers bent around mine for a second or two. I will never forget that moment, and how much effort it must have taken to make that one final connection with me. I knew you weren't going to stay here, it was just too much for you to try and stay in that broken body. When your life signs stopped, and everyone was wailing, all I could feel was you over your body, and me trying to meet you there. I don't ever want to forget those moments, when my spirit felt yours and we transcended our humanness - that indescribable, suspended, timeless time. I was touching your body yet felt you out of your body. It was much the same as that brief moment after you were born, when my womb felt your absence and yet you were being delivered into my arms. An emptiness and holiness all at the same time.
I wonder when I will be able to remember the Phil that WAS without such deep despair, while embracing the Phil that IS - living but not tangible to our Earth bodies. Every night when I go to bed, I pray that God will let you come to me, and take me for a visit where you are.
In the meantime, I am finding joy in watching the basement progress you began. "Dr. Dave" has lots of fun stories about you at work, your boss really thinks a lot of you. He was doing impressions of you and it made me laugh. Because of your kindness and goodness to others, others are bringing kindness to me. So this is my focus today - in Earth time, my life has been about being a mom, helping my children move through life. In Spirit time, my child has come full circle to help me move through life. Thank you Phil. Your Sis and I love you forever.
- Your Mom
Ashley's mom
March 3rd 2008
Phil this has been a hard week for me. It seems like yesterday that I heard you laugh and a life time since I was able to give you a hug. Saturday was family night and your presence was very missed.
Spring is soon to be here and I think about the talk we just had about my new deck you were going to build me. The problem with my ceiling that I needed to ask you about. You always had great advice.
Dave is working on his 40K men. But I can tell it isn't quite the same. He started them because he wanted to spend time with you and continue the great relationship you were building. Now he keeps starting to work on them and then putting them aside. His heart just doesn't seem to be quite into them anymore.
Ashley misses you so much. I watch her struggle everyday just to get up in the morning and make it through the hours... wishing I could take the pain away.
Phil you and I have talked so much in the past month. Although I wouldn't mind if we did this during the day instead of 2 am in the morning. : ) I am listening to your wisdom.
I pray that you can wave your magic and offer each and every person here on earth that misses you so very much a little peace in their hearts, comfort in their souls, understanding for each other, and most of all love.
Missing you every second of every day son.
Love
Cherie
Jane
February 23rd 2008
Dear Phillip,
By now you know that Nana is in Heaven. When she was leaving us she was smiling and waving at her family and friends who have gone before. I know they were waiting for her entry. I know in my heart you were there also, welcoming her. In the Bible it tells us there are many mansions...and I know that you have been helping our Lord to make Nana's mansion. You meant alot to her.
A few days ago Rachel and I were going through all the greeting cards and notes she had saved from all the special people in her life, and there was a birthday card from you. I think it says alot about the way she felt about you that she wanted to keep it.
Please help to watch over her . As much as we miss her here on earth, we are secure in the knowledge she is in Heaven with our Lord, the same place our dear Phillip is.
You are missed by so many Phillip and you remain in our hearts.
Love,
Jane
Ashley
February 18th 2008
CutestAshwee7802@yahoo.com
Phil,
Today is Feb. 18. Three days before we met for the first time. Remember that night? It would have been one year for us. I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was a wednesday night, and you were supposed to pick me up at 7:00 to go to Applebee's in plainwell and then on to the M-89 Cinema for our movie. You were late because it was dark out and you couldn't find my moms house. I remember when you showed up, and I opened the door..I couldn't believe my eyes. You were the most gorgeous man I had ever seen, and you wanted to take me out on a date. I remember exactly what you were wearing that night, you wore your tan sweater with the camo patches on the sleeves, and khaki pants. They both hang in my closet now! I remember I wore a black zip up sweater with red and white hearts on it, and my blue jeans with the camo patches on the back pockets. It was a match made in heaven from the very beginning!
I remember picking on you for being late saying, "You're late!" Your answer was, "You're gorgeous." and all was forgiven. You were always the ladies man and I knew it! I remember once we got to applebee's you ordered the orange chicken bowl with extra sause...just like you always did, and I ordered the chicken fingers because I didn't want bad breath! You made me laugh so much that night, I couldn't believe that I found someone who had the same goofy sense of humor I did. And you were so cute about it too : c)
Once we finally made it to the movie theator, we decided to see A Night At the Museum. I think it was a good movie, but I don't remember much about it. I know that I grabbed your hand sometime early in the movie, and that was a green light for you that things were going well. Sometime later in the show, I turned to you laughing at a funny part, and you turned to me too. That was when you kissed me for the first time. It was everything I thought a true loves kiss should be. It was the fireworks, the butterflies in my stomach, the whole shabang.
Later when you took me home you insisted on walking me to the door...always the perfect gentleman, and promised to call me the next day. Which you did. You always kept your promises and I loved it. There weren't any games with you, you always meant what you said and did what you set out to do.
So, sweetheart, I'm writing this to wish you a happy anniversary. It wont be the last. And when I get to heaven to join you...we'll be just like we were when we met. Hopelessly in love, and too stubborn to care that people thought we were crazy. I love you baby.
Love,
Scamp
Happy Valentine's Day from Mom
February 14th 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
My Dear Sweet Son,
I remember your very first Valentine's Day. You and Kendra had matching outfits, which I made with little heart buttons. You had a red hat that practically covered your whole head, but you wanted it on, even in your high chair. And you got a big, red, sticky sucker that you would not let go of. That and a white, furry stuffed animal that also got sticky and red! Kendra had just gotten new glasses (her first pair) and you were intrigued with this apparatus on your sissy's face. So while I am trying to take Valentine's pictures (yes, I ALWAYS took a lot of pictures), you are trying to stick your hands to her glasses. And she is patiently "saying no-no P.C.", backing away and grinning at the same time, because you were HER baby doll too. I remember the year we gave you your teddy bear, and you still had it - I always knew that inside the very strong man was a very sentimental son. Thank you for being the best son that any mother could ask for. Last year was a pretty tough time for us, a lot of really good and really trying things happened. A transition year in the life of Phil. I have a much deeper, more spiritual understanding of that now, and am so happy we spent New Year's Eve together. I will always remember the honest and loving conversation we had, and the fun of just being, playing yahtzee. I'll save your scorecard forever.
Valentines Day is just the first of so many holidays I'll feel the pulling at my soul to want to be with you. Today, it is too hard to go to the store, because I want to get your "nut crisp & chewy" box of candy, your can of cashews, a card that always had way too many words in it, and some warhammer guys for us to paint. I think I know each piece ever painted, and remember where you were, and could have watched you for hours. In the way I am a painter, those are your works of art, son, and I look forward to the time when I can look at them again and smile.
You know what? I am so glad to have all the pictures of you now. I always thought that someday, when you were old and I was ancient, we would leaf through them and laugh together. I wonder where you are right now, in this very moment - are you here with me and I can't see you? Are you so happy and glowing in your new life, but still remembering us? Are you getting absolutely filled with love and magnificent light, and completely away from sadness or pain? If a mother cannot hold her son, then who better to hold him than our God? My hope is the promise - the promise that this earth is just a stop on the way, and that you will be waiting for me. And THEN, my beautiful and unmatchable son, you will feel the warmth of my arms around you for a very long time, you can show me the wonders of your new life, and we will run like the wind! I love you forever, Happy Valentine's Day!
- Mom
Austin
February 4th 2008
I feel sorry that I wasn’t able to find the strength to stand up and speak at Phil’s funeral. Especially because I know he would have been able to do it for me. I guess I just feared that I would absolutely fall apart, and whatever I said in my emotional haze wouldn’t have done him justice.
As his long time best friend, I could write volumes about Phil, so it’s difficult to sum up all the things I want to say. I’ve spent almost every weekend with him for the past 10 years. We went through so many changes in our stages of life together. The diversity in our personalities created a unique balance that allowed us to constantly learn from each other. While we may have seemed so different on the outside, our core values and morals remained nearly identical, and that was a key to maintaining our everlasting friendship. We were always there for each other, good times or bad. He could cheer anyone up with his amazing sense of humor and positive outlook on life. He was so much fun to be with, constantly the life of the party. There was never a dull moment with Phil; he always had something to say. His quick wit with humor continuously amazed me, as did his imagination. As teenagers and as adults we could always find something fun to do. We had our fare share of arguments throughout the years, but we always parted on friendly terms, with a quick hug and a “take it easy man, I’ll see you next week.”
Friendships as strong as ours are so hard to come by in life. While I realize I won’t ever meet anyone like Phil again, I feel so lucky that I got to know him. He was really one of a kind. There was so much about him that I admired. I’m going to miss him tremendously. From the heated Warhammer battles to the in depth talks about life; Phil was a true friend. I could go on forever about all the things I’m going to miss and how hard it will be without him, but I’m going to try my best to stay positive.
His existence here on this earth was a gift to all who knew him. He has touched and inspired the lives of so many people during the course of his life, and left an impression that will stay with us forever. It has been an honor spending the past decade of my life with Phil. He’s been a brother to me. He told me once that I had no idea the impact I had on his life. I’m so happy to know that I was able to make a difference in shaping the incredible person he became. I hope he realizes how much I appreciate and cherish the friendship he’s given me all these years. I’m not sure what I would be without him. I only know that I will never forget the times we shared together. Those memories of Phil will be with me for as long as I live.
It just tears me apart to realize I’ll never get to see him again, and that all his dreams for the future will never be fulfilled. The sorrow I feel inside will never leave, but his love for life and for others will continue to inspire me. Even though I can no longer see him, I know his life essence will never truly disappear, as he lives on within the hearts of us all. When the hardships of the world bring me down, I’ll think of him and his undying spirit, and I’ll keep pressing on, because I know that’s what he’d do. And as I grow older, throughout the many changes brought by the passing of time, Phil will always and forever remain my very best friend.
I love ya man,
-Austin
Rachel
February 3rd 2008
RJBorton@hotmail.com
Phil,
I remember almost one year ago from today, you and I sat down to dinner at our favorite restaurant. Applebee’s on West Main. We had been apart for just under two years at that time, occasionally hanging out at your apartment in Seville, and keeping in touch as friends. We had good conversation, lots of laughs, and spent time reminiscing about the past. That night, however, there were a lot of things that had been left unsaid between both of us. And even though we never got another chance to sit down and talk, I think we both knew what each other was thinking.
You were and still are a big part of my life, you always will be. For three and a half years, you were my knight in shining armor. I have so many memories to hold onto and smile about. You came into my life at the most perfect moment, and even though we could not make it work forever, I never once regretted my time with you. There are still so many things I wish I could’ve had the chance to tell you, and so many things I wish we could’ve shared. However life takes detours, and our detours just weren’t meant to meet up again.
I am so glad you found happiness last year. You deserved it more than anybody I knew. And I also knew you wanted more than anything to be a part of a loving, fulfilling relationship. And I am sure you found just that! I am still so torn up about the fact I moved back home the day of your visitation. If I had come home sooner, who knows, we may have crossed paths again and could’ve shared some more laughs.
I miss you, Phil. But you are in my heart, you always have been. And I love you so much. Someday we will meet again..
Love,
Rachel
Ashley
January 31st 2008
My dear sweet Phil, it's been one week and one day since we walked out the door together. I sit here surrounded by your things crying and wishing I could hug you, kiss you, or just see your smile again.
I think about the night before you went to a better place, thinking how you rubbed my back because I was sick. You never once asked for a back rub yourself. And then you slept on the couch because I was snoring too loud. And I think with a smile, that I would have done the same for you.
They say that this aching in my body will go away eventually, but that I will never get over you. It's true. Eventually the ache will dissapate, and I will move on. But I will never find anyone as sweet, and caring and who loved me as unconditionally as how you did.
So, one week and one day later, I still mourn the loss of not only what we had together, but what we never got to have together. I'll be seeing you soon sweetheart. I love you always,
Your Ashley
Deb Szareko
January 31st 2008
I wanted to send my condolences to the Edwards family. My brother and I grew up with Kendra and Phillip years ago. I wish that I would have got to see Phillip again as he grew older, but lost touch with Bev and Kendra as years passed. It seems like just yesterday we were all playing together and having a great time. We wonder why the lord takes the people we love only he knows why, But we are left with the loving memories with that wonderful person that was put on this earth. I know Phillip You will do wonderful things with the lord.
MOM
January 31st 2008
bevmineredwards@aol.com
One week has already gone by. Still I ache for you. My mind thinks about so many "what if's" and "why's", there is still no sense to why you had to be taken out now. The hardest thing for me is not knowing what your minutes were like between the accident and your surgery... how much it hurt, what went through your mind. I wish I could have kept yo warm, and held you right there. I cannot change anything and it feels so helpless. And so I go on aching for you. I know from past experience that the hole in the heart will heal, and I will survive. But nothing, ever, will erase or replace that deep-soul connection. Speak to me, and my spirit will hear you. I wish I could see you too.
I felt you with us today... Kendra, Judy and me. I thought it fitting that we have breakfast at Colonial Kitchen this morning, I am only sorry you couldn't drink the cup of coffee we put by your picture, and that none of us liked hash enough to eat it in your honor!
You are with me, son, always and forever!
Jane
January 30th 2008
One week ago today you reached out your hand to our Heavenly Father who grasped it and pulled you into his waiting arms. We are all still so broken-hearted. Your Borton family loves you and are secure in the knowledge that you are with Jesus and the loved one that went before. We are so honored and truly blessed that you were a part of our lives for over three years. The memories that you and Rachel made together will never be forgotten, and always written on our hearts.
Chelsea
January 28th 2008
I don't quite know how to say what's on my mind for you. I know I don't have to. You'll know even if I don't speak or write my words. I've always thought of you as an older brother. Even my mom says that she could tell you thought of me as a little sister, the way you used to pick on me as if I was one. I wish I could have gotten to know you as an adult. I am very blessed to have known you at all. The program your mom made for you for yesterday was beautiful. There was a picture in it, that reminded me of when our families were so close. It was of you holding a bowl, I only got to see it for a few seconds, but I remember those moments as if they happend yesterday. I love you Phil. We all do, and we miss you so much. I don't know if I'll ever be done with my words for you, because I don't quite know what I want to say. You were one of the most amazing people.
Jami (Buchkowski) Stender
January 28th 2008
joyfuljami@gmail.com
I just got the news about Phil...wow...what a wonderful person to be taken so quickly. Such a huge tragedy. This is a great loss...of the happiest, most generous, caring, intellegent, determined, compassionate, hard-working, patriotic, young man. All who knew him were very blessed to have shared a part of his life. Phil touched so many people during his extremely short time here. He loved life. I've read some of the other memories and I honestly have to agree that this world is going to be different without Phil. He had passion and a love for people that proved through his endless ideas to bless others, and through the way he lived his life, always looking out for people to help...even with his gigantic smile! I am extremely sorry for this loss Bev and Gary, Kendra, and Ashley, I'm really, very sorry... to everyone who has been touched by Phil, but his family especially. He really cared about his family. He was a real man that wasn't afraid to live what he believed in order to really help others. It didn't matter what others thought. He was moved by his convictions. He did what he knew was the right thing to do. Thank you for letting me know you and your family and friends Phil. So many people miss you, and I will always be moved by the person you are. Your life has inspired so many others to live a life that reflects your great big heart...my sincere sympathy, Jami.
Heather Denniss
January 27th 2008
hcdenniss@msn.com
Phil's mom and I became good friends in Toledo in the 1990s, when she was still living on Lyman. My middle daughter and Phil were the same age, and naturally, our concerns about our children drew us together too. The last photo I saw of Phil, just after Christmas, showed the same little boy, now quite grown, with his great smile, the same sparkle in the eyes. Bev, my heart aches for you, for Gary, for Kendra, for all who lost this lovely child, for despite the fact he was a man, I will always remember the child. God Bless you all.
David Boersma
January 26th 2008
dboersma@patriotbuildingsolutions.com
I can honestly say that Phil was among the most generous people I have ever known. He gladly volunteered his time and expertise whenever I needed it. From helping us move to working with me one evening installing a new door in my house, and keeping at it with a smile even though it took us until after 1:00 in the morning on a cold, snowy night to complete. When my construction business was struggling, Phil would work with me late into the night "off the clock" to finish projects and refused pay. He said he was working to help a brother out, not just to make a paycheck. Thank you Phil. My life has been forever impacted by your generous and joy filled heart. I'll miss you.
Ryan Ewing(Ashley's Brother)
January 26th 2008
thecoolone222004@yahoo.com
Phillip,
Thank you so much for doing all that you have for my sister
eventhough i didnt know you for very long i felt you were the right man for my sister.
I know you are watching here from heaven right now
and i know you will always take care of her for a long long time....
thank you for being the best brother in law i could ever have
Lorah Winegar
January 26th 2008
lewinegar@yahoo.com
Phil was an amazing human being and he of all people did not deserve to leave this earth so soon.
Phil was only two years older than me. He had his whole life ahead of him. He was going to be married. He knew his life's passion and he made the best of every single day. Phil was a good friend. He was always there when anyone needed him. He called just to say hi and see how I was doing. He had a laugh that never failed to get me laughing too, no matter what was going on in life.
He had a giant heart and did his best to better the world. Without him there is going to be less laughter, not as many smiles and the world seems a little darker without your ever present smile. Phil, you're amazing and my world is going to be forever changed having known you. You will be missed.
Jason LeZotte
January 26th 2008
jlezotte@umich.edu
Phil was one of my very good friends throughout high school. Even though he and I had started to drift apart since I went off to college, we still tried to get together when we could to game and hang out.
Phil, you will be sorely, sorely missed. You were the life of the party, always positive, full of the “can do spirit”, and most of all a good friend. You were a brother to me. I wish your family and friends all the best in lieu of this tragedy.
Matt Creeger
January 26th 2008
I just found out about Phil .I haven't spoken to him or his family since they lived on lyman, but i alway's wondered how he was doing. I remember how I used to go over to his house to play with him every day in his sandbox. We had a lot of fun. He was my best friend until he moved away and I wish we kept in touch because he sounds like a great person. I will alway's remember him as my best friend and neighbor. My condolences go out to his family.
Dave & Cherie Genson
January 25th 2008
ckg885@charter.net
Phillip you made Ashley so very happy from the moment you two met. It was no surprise when you two became engaged. We knew from the beginning you two were soul mates. Listening to the two of you finishing each others sentences, the looks of love you gave each other, the laughs you shared, communicating without any words being said, watching you two with just a small touch of the hand sharing your love for each other, love glowed all around both of you. Phillip we could not have asked for a better man for our daughter. Our hearts are breaking. We may never understand why you were taken from us so soon, and even though we did not give birth to you... you are and always will be our SON.
Doug Gould/Jim Reading
January 25th 2008
doug_gould@sbcglobal.net
Bev, Judy and the whole family,
I am so sorry to hear of Phillp's passing. Our hearts break for all of you. I remember when we were at Phoenix and Phillip was much younger, he was always smiling. Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.
Heather Latham Miller (Erich Miller)
January 25th 2008
heatherlatham@yahoo.com
I was shocked and deeply saddened this morning to learn of Phil’s passing. Bev, Gary, Kendra… having lost one of my dearest and most beloved family members in a similar tragedy, my heart is truly breaking for each of you. There are some things to which there is neither a beginning nor an end- please take comfort in the knowledge that the human soul is one of these. I will remember Phil as a smiling, bright, energetic and humorous young man that was adored by those that knew him. May sympathy and peace guide all of his loved ones during this time of mourning and reflection, and may each of you find new cause each day to celebrate the joy that was his life.
Chelsea Anderson
January 24th 2008
airheadmajor@yahoo.com
Phil was a great guy. I saw him and his fiancee at I Hop this summer. I worked there. Phil said something about how I wasn't so little anymore. Our families were very close when I was younger. We'd always spend dinners at eachothers houses. I saw him with Ashley at I hop, and he looked so incredibly happy. Bev, Judy, Ashley, and Kendra; you all are in my thoughts. Phil, you will always be in my heart. I miss you.
